Woke up, got dressed, & went to misa & the panteon. I didn’t cry as much as yesterday I think because I still don’t really believe your gone whether that may be me being in denial, I still just feel like you’re sleeping & I’ll see you later…but that’s not the way it is. Maybe I wasn’t crying as much because I know it will be okay. Your kids are strong & so is your husband & I know you’re not suffering anymore :) & that makes all this pain that I feel in my heart <3 worth while. By the way your mom sings beautiful!!!!!!!! & I told her that tonight :) she said she wanted to sing to you when they were putting you in the ground but sometimes words get lodged in your throat with no way out. Which brings me to my dad, when we left at around 10:30pm. he went to Miguel & said I don’t know how to express myself but were always here for you & the compadre kept saying I know and all that matters is that you’re here and present with me now all the support everyones given me also gives me strength and courage. Fabi told me how yesterday she gave him your letters, Im sure he appreciates that. We went back a second time around 8 & before I went to the mall (twice) & bought Mike a gift <3 for his birthday, Gucci Guilty cologne, I’ll give it to him later on today when I see him for the Rosary at his house because he had no where to put it. I didn’t seen Lily as much but Fabi & I were eating together, & Roy is amazing at using the rope. Just like you had about 5 different cakes on your birthday so did Mike <3 that made me happy he deserves that & so much more, I’ve always sort of had a crush on Mike maybe just the way he is his character is impeccable! If only every guy was as respectful & as polite as he is, but he’s like my brother who I’ve known & cared for for my whole life..<3 At the reception I kept looking around like where is she? & I almost thought I did see you…guess I only wish I was seeing you. Today I tried goat milk! lol it was warm & it sort of foamed when It touched my lips..good though lol I know little by little it will get easier but I seriously watch your video like 5times a day, I feel so honored to have been able to make it. Your dove Booty didn’t want to leave your side either even though Mike let him go, he stayed. I asked for the day off tomorrow because of the rosary so back to work it is on Sunday :( I wish I didn’t have to work & could spend my days doing homework & reading the books from my list :( oh well.
Oh boy well today woke up after going to bed at 5am! & began working on the video more..I wanted to make it perfect. Choosing the music was the difficult part, Cuata told me her favorite song ever is La Margaritas, I listened to it & it seemed to ‘happy’ for a wake :( so instead all her sisters and mom started singing it <3 & let me tell you they sing it better than Beatriz Adriana. Everyone was crying it was horrible, I love all the support & the many hundreds of people who showed up, she was/is LOVED.
Fabi, Roger & Mike said a speech & they were beautiful because they were from the heart. I love them all so much, so strong & respectful individuals. Seeing you in the casket was heartbreaking, yet again. Tears started to fall from my eyes you don’t deserve this, your family doesn’t deserve this, but only God knows why he does what he does. & Tomorrow or I should say today is the funeral :( <|3 Another tough day. You were such an amazing person & I will forever remember me sleeping over & your food & your laugh & your smile, you were always happy & I know that’s how you want us to remember you.
We went to your house today & of course there was a lot of people, a lot of people I recognized & some that I obviously didn’t know. The house feels so…EMPTY without you, not right at all! It was so sad hearing Nate ask for you saying “y my nina” so heartbreaking he will be looking for you for awhile <|3 I know things change & life happens but I would give anything to have you back at least for a moment of happiness. I called in work today & didn’t go to class even though I had a test :( but I couldn’t miss just being at your house with everyone, tomorrow..well today is the velorio & Lily asked if I could make the slide show for the wake. What an honor she bestowed on me, I gladly accepted & thought to myself okay I can’t go to work tomorrow morning because I need to prepare the slide show. Lily gathered pictures & a video & while Mike, Lily & Roger were choosing the picture for the tombstone I was trying to look for Fabi so she could have a say but I didn’t find her anywhere. While I was with Lily & Mike in their moms room I said Are you guys going to be okay?” & I started crying :’( Mike hugged me & said “yeah, thanks though”..”were going to be strong for her, that’s what she told us..she’s in a better place now” & then I continued to cry in Lily’s arms & I said how I can’t believe she’s not here & Lily replied “I know the first thing I do is come here & say hi to my mom y ahorra con quien voy a llegar” I know you’re children are strong all 4 of them. They are amazing & you did a wonderful job in raising them. I never thought this would happen to you. Yesterday I kept counting the seconds in between your breathes sometimes it would be 7 or 5, I really thought you were going to make it but God decided he needed an angel. I still can’t believe your gone…
My mom seems to be taking this not so well either :’( It still feels surreal to me. I finished making the slide show now I only need to go buy the DVR’s & find the music (if any). Lily told me how tomorrow she is going to do your make-up :( how tough. Ugh tomorrow is going to be a tough day in general heck this week has been horrific.
RIP Isabel Castro 7/3/71-7/13/11 <3 you will be soo missed :(
I just finished looking at some pictures of you, you were so happy & I’m sure you still are. Happy & not suffering any more physically. You have raised an amazing!!! family & though were all no ready to let you go, we have to. Rest in Peace & forever will you be in hundreds of peoples hearts. It is so beautiful to see the amount of support & love you received in many ways. I’m glad I got to see you yesterday before you went on your way & I know Melissa was glad to hear you say her name for the last time. I’m so sorry this happened to you, Only God knows why he does what he does. You’ll be up there with my grandma & grandpa tell them I sai hi! :’) Thank you so much for always smiling & making jokes & being energetic. We all love you & we all miss you. Don’t worry about your kids & husband they are amazingly strong. We will all get through this. I didn’t think it would happen this quickly but I guess that’s the thing with life. I wish we could go back to the days where all your kids & George lived with you & you would come over & have fun & then Melissa & Manuel & I would sleep over at your house. Times were great back then. While you were alive you were so underappreciated but I hope you know he loves you so much & I have never seen him cry until yesterday. In my eyes you won this battle. Fuck Cancer! & I’m soo glad the hospital you were at was literally minutes away from your house. Fabi told me yesterday she was okay with you leaving she said “I know it sounds fucked up but she won’t have to suffer & I know she’ll be in a better place” .
I didn’t think I would wake up to that news, I thought it would be at least a month.
Hark, hark at this righteous rage! Over at the Chicago Sun-Times, Roger Ebert is in a right tizz over his discovery of an “intermediate” readers’ version of The Great Gatsby. Rather than ending with Fitzgerald’s wonderfully evocative “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”, Margaret Tarner’s rewritten editionconcludes, somewhat more prosaically, “Some unpleasant people became part of Gatsby’s dream. But he cannot be blamed for that. Gatsby was a success, in the end, wasn’t he?”
I keep crying and crying, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through :( I worry about you & your family. I don’t know why God is doing this. I hope tomorrow when I see you you’ll feel better or at least be able to see. I never thought it would get this bad <|3
Im happy my financial aid pulled through..I hope I did everything correctly. I can’t believe summer is almost over in a month and a half, I feel like I’ve done nothing! Usually every year we go away somewhere on a road trip, were thinking of either going to Reno or Wendover ohh how I miss Lake Tahoe! Oh & I still have tons of homework to do & work later & Since school is almost starting it means I have to say goodbye to the one person I’ve loved for years! <|3 Tears come to my eyes everytime I start to think about that..ugh that will be one of the most challenging times in my life def. a break me or make me moment. I just have to remember how to think positive and that it’s for the best and live my life without the one person who’s been my rock and anchored my heart. A huge part of who I am today. I love you forever & ever. But you’ll never understand how much I REALLY do love you & am going to mees you.
I just got off the phone with you & I’m crying like a baby you always have a way of doing that to me. Hearing words like ‘you disappoint me’ really gets to me, but why? Why should I care any longer? I only try to be the best I can & it seems like no matter how hard I try to move away I’m taking two steps back at the same time. I just want to be happy.
I hope & aspire to find a love like the one Corey & Topanga have on Boy Meets World.
Cory: Mom, Listen, I haven’t been together with Topanga for twenty-two years, but we *have* been together for sixteen. ‘Kay, that’s a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together in the park. When we were two, we were best friends, I mean, I, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color. I knew her favorite food. Then we became six, you know, and Eric made fun of me because it wasn’t cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl, so for the next seven years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those “the lost years”. Then when I was thirteen, Mom, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She was always talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I’m with her I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talk to you like this. So that’s, that’s what I feel is love, Mom… When I’m better because she’s here… and now she won’t be. So we’re finished.
No school for me today, I kind of took the liberty of well..not going…BUT I’ve been working on my homework ever since :’) I really like being home, not TOO much but just relaxing & not having to rush to do this or that is great! ;) then I was craving a root beer float lol so I made a makeshift one with some coke haha :) & I got a twitter! lol follow me @StephanieSorian, I’ve always been cynical about the whole twitter thing & truthfully I probably will forget about it in a few days or weeks but I realized how lonely I really am :/ & technology is speeding up at the blink of an eye so why not try & keep up? lol Idk what do you all think about having all these accounts such as e-mails, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Stumbleupon & etc.?? Anywho this heat gives me headaches sometimes lol I hope you all had a great day. :)
7 books, 7 horcruxes, 7 Weasleys siblings, 7 Hogwarts floor, 7 galleons to buy a wand, 7 positions to play quidditch, 7 Tom Riddle's memories, 7 Potters with 7 members of the Order. There are 142 degrees in Hogwarts (1+4+2=7), 7 people went to the Shrieking Shack, Dobby has 7 socks and...7 days until Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2. Today, 07/07.
“He had the desperation, not the courage, to be himself. Once you do that you can’t go wrong, because you can’t make any mistakes when when people love you for being yourself. But for Kurt, it didn’t matter that other people loved him; he simply didn’t love himself enough.” —Dave Reed, one-time foster father.